Life in 3-D: Divorce, Dating, and Dieting- The Inaugural Blog.

I was having dinner with an old high school friend of mine recently.  We were catching up, talking about our lives, perhaps even engaged in some minor non-goal orientated harmless flirting (or maybe I imagined the flirting). Anyway, we started talking about our various creative endeavors.  My friend asked me what I was working on.        

          My mind went blank.  I abandoned my first novel project about Evangelical teens and haven’t written much else in months.  Hell, I haven’t even finished reading a book since November 2009, the point that life as I knew it began to unravel. 

Despite my woefully poor output, I still wanted to impress my former classmate who had definitely grown into his looks.  Time had been good to him too.  I wanted so say something smart, something deep like I was writing about the “human condition” or “deciphering the intracies of the human heart.”  However, I had been so wrapped up in my life I hadn’t been able to write anything more meaningful than a Facebook status update.  All I could think about was my impending divorce, the guys I was “talking” to and how many calories were in the sandwich I just ate. 

          Yup- Divorce, dating, and dieting…

          The three D’s are pretty much my obsession right now.  I do manage to “work” 8.25 hours five days a week at a less than challenging job that barely pays the bills.  I do think of others: family, friends, pets, what have you, although I have totally sucked at sending cards lately.  Hallmark has sent me nasty notes about my negligence to sentiment.

          But yeah… other than the 3 D’s, I’ve got nothing.

          Fuck it.

          You know what?  Someone has already written Ulysses.  Fuck Ulysses. Did anyone ever read Ulysses, really?  I mean a few hard core English majors might have it on their shelf, but have the read it?  Screw James Joyce. (Not really, but I did enjoy Dubliners).  And Little House on the Prairie?  You know what?  If I were an innocent young girl struggling and persevering on the New Frontier, I’d write about that.

          But you gotta write what you know.  And what I know is this:

Feeling and Fat Grams

Hunger and Horniness

Misery and Nachos (love you, Brother).

          I don’t know where this is going.  What I post will probably stay “light” with will (hopefully) still have some poignancy, resonance, and humor.  In the unlikely event this were to be published, I would write some more of the revealing and relevant nature of the 3 D’s.       I have no desire to embarrass my family or defame my ex, but if you go through some hardship or weirdness and still retain some semblance of sanity, one has an obligation to humanity to testify.  So here I go… I am testifying on how to survive a marriage, the break of a marriage, how to find love again, and how to gain and lose fifty pounds about three times.  If I devoted a fraction of my time and effort into my profession as I do in how to get thin or get laid, I’d be a CEO.  Maybe I’ll just write about it and get famous/rich on that.  Because, really, can you put a price on great sex or what it feels like to fit into your skinny jeans? 

I encourage encouraging comments. J  I know we’ve all been there: heartbreak and back breaking efforts to zip up too-tight pants.  Please… enjoy… for what it’s worth.